If I Could Do It All Again
by Luka Knight
Summary: My first White Collar Fan Fiction XD Hope you all enjoy it. Neal/Peter and Mpreg so if you don't like it turn back now. Those of you who move forward prepare for an emotional twister. I worked long hours into the night to finish this and hope you won't be disappointed and please forgive any mistakes I may have missed. Warning Character death and I don't own White Collar.


Peter and Neal are a well-known and unstoppable team in the FBI White Collar division. They are also best friends who have known each other for six years and a loving couple that have been dating for the last three years. Knowing they don't stand a chance against the duo a group of criminals comes together to rip them apart by framing Neal for an unforgivable crime that ends with the gruesome murder of several undercover FBI agents. With the evidence stacked against him no one believes his innocents and everyone turns their backs on him as he is sentenced to life in prison. Peter ignores all of Neal's attempts to contact him hanging up when he calls, erasing his messages, and throwing away the letters he sends from prison. Six months later on Christmas Eve the prison nurse; a woman by the name June turns up at the office with a new born infant telling Peter that due to a complication during labor Neal died shortly after giving birth to the baby in her arms who is Peter's son.

**If I Could Do It All Again **

"Hey Peter, would you mind picking up some garlic powder on your way home for the roast?"

Neal asked as he pressed his cell phone to his ear with his shoulder while trying to grab hold of a second champaign glass from the high shelf.

"Yeah no problem; do you need anything else?"

He still couldn't believe he was doing this; hiding in the bushes outside his own home with a dozen other men armed to the teeth waiting for him to give the order.

"No just the garlic and try to make it home on time okay. I have some great news I can't wait to tell you."

Neal says with a big smile as he puts the two glasses down on the counter. They wouldn't be drinking Champaign tonight; well at least not he but they would definitely be celebrating he thought letting a hand sweep over his stomach while putting a bottle of non-alcoholic apple cider in an ice bucket to chill. He had always known he wanted to be a father someday but in his previous life he was always to busy running from the FBI to think about it, and when he wasn't running there was no one in his life who he could see himself with. Peter was the best thing to ever happen to him; even if he did put him in prison once Neal couldn't think of anyone else he would rather be having this baby with.

"Don't worry I'll be home as soon as I can."

In all the years Peter had been with Neal he had been so sure he knew him better than anyone else, but after today he felt like he had never known Neal at all. The men and women who died today had been good people with families; he should have seen this coming like he use to when he had been chasing Neal back when he knew him only as James Bonds. He should have known that Neal would only ever be just a con man. He looks in the kitchen window for a brief moment telling himself it is only to look for the best moment to move in and nothing to do with wanting to remember Neal the way he is now. There he was stirring something that would make his mouth water in a pan on the stove with one of his favorite composers playing in the background. He takes two tall white candles and places them on the table that has been set for the two of them with his favorite china plates and silver ware. He glides around the kitchen with a happy bounce in his step without the slightest clue that his betrayal has been found out or that he is about to pay for it.

"Peter?" Turning to his left Peter sees Jones crouching down beside him.

"Are we going in anytime soon?" He knows he can't drag it out any longer. One of the men that died today was a good friend Jones had gone through academe with and he didn't have to look to know all eyes were on him in that moment. He turns and gives the order.

"We go in on three."

Slowly the take their positions around the house blocking all possible exits and once everyone have taken their place there is no turning back. He counts them off and on his cue they storm the house all heading for the kitchen to apprehend the man who had once be their friend. Neal is startled by the sudden commotion and all the guns pointing at him; he raises his hands above his head still holding the knife he'd been using to cut cucumber for the salad with. However, when Peter entered the kitchen with Jones and Diana instep with him Neal just smiles thinking it had all been some joke.

"What the hell Peter." Neal says while putting the knife down on the chopping board.

"For a second I thought I had an army closing in on me." Peter didn't even bother to answer; he just went straight to work at getting Neal into the cuffs.

"Neal Caffery, you have the right to remain silent…"

"Peter, what are you doing?"

"Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law…"

"Peter, what are you doing?"

"What to hell does it look like I'm doing?" It is in that moment that Neal notices that all the guns in the room are still trained on him, and that everyone looks like they would happily shoot him.

"Did you really think you could get away with it?" He looks back at Peter.

"Get away with what; I don't know what you're talking about."

"Damn it Neal don't give me that crap. We have your call records, your bank statements, and your prints in the file room!"

"Peter, I swear I don't know what this is about. I haven't done anything!"

"Sorry Neal, but I've been through this to many times to believe you."

Peter finished reading Neal his rights and escorted him into the back of an FBI squad car. When they returned to the office it was to a chilling welcome; every last person in the White Collar division had lined up to watch Peter bring Neal in and Neal was sure that if it wasn't for Hugh's presents they would have torn him apart. Hours later after reports had been drawn up, prints had been taken, photos taken, and Neal left in an interrogation room for hours on end he was finally learning what he was being put away for.

"Accomplice to mass murder?" Neal couldn't believe it; he thought Peter knew him better than that.

"It's all here Neal." Peter said as he set a rather large stack of files down on the table in front of him.

"You've been selling the identities of our undercover agents to every drug lord, gang leader, and mob family across the United States for the last seven months."

"Peter, you can believe I would really do this?" Peter simply takes the top file off the stack opens it and lays it down in front of Neal.

"For the past seven months agents all across the United States have been showing up dead. In that same seven months twenty grand is transferred into this privet account one hour before each murder." Peter sweeps his finger across the papers in the file showing Neal the numerous transfers.

"The account was traced back to you."

"Peter you know me. I wouldn't do this."

"The evidence says you did!"

"The evidence is wrong!" Neal could feel his heart pounding.

"I left that life behind a long time ago Peter. I'm on your side now and even before you finally caught up to me have I ever done anything like this before?" He could see the wheels turning for a moment in Peter's mind and hoped he would see reason.

"Sometimes I forget what a good liar you are." Neal knew it was all over now; Peter didn't believe him.

"I won't forget again."

The trial was quick and no matter what tactics Mozzie used to fight the man with Neal's past and the enormous FBI influence on the case he was swiftly convicted and sentenced to life with no chance of parole. Neal knew that in his condition he may have been able to sway Peter a bit but he didn't want to use the miracle inside him like that and he feared if it was known he was expecting than there would be plans made to take the child away. With his criminal past and a rather impressive escape on record Neal is sent to a maximum lock up facility where he is confined to a small nine by six foot cell where he is only allowed out for an hour every day to stretch his legs. The first few days drive him crazy being locked up in the tiny colorless room. The walls and floor are all a pasty white, the bed is nothing more than a flat pillow, a sheet and a thread bearing mattress, a small toilet and sink, and a little table and stool for him to eat at. The door however his what he hates most about the room; it's just a great big steel door with a little window and small flap where his meals are pushed in three times a day sometimes accompanied by a letter from Mozzie.

XXXXXXXXX

Back at the office the sting of losing their fellow agents was still burning pretty hot in everyone's minds but not as hot as in the minds of Neal's former team. The betrayal had been far worse on them; especially for Peter. Over the past month since Neal was incarcerated Peter had acquired several letters from him; however he had taken to just throwing them away after partly skimming over the first two he was sent both saying the same thing_; I didn't do it, please believe me, come see me, I miss you, and I love you._ It angered him deeply that he had allowed the con man to trick him into falling in love with him and he swore to himself that he would quickly move on, be happy, and forget he had ever known Neal Caffery.

XXXXXXXXX

Soon it would be impossible to hide his pregnancy; his orang prison issued shirt wasn't going to be able to hide his bump for much longer and Peter hadn't answered a single one of his letters. He hadn't seen a doctor once in the two months he had been locked up but he estimated that he was probably five and a half months as his doctor had told him he was a little over three month when the news was delivered to him. In the time that carried on Neal become overwhelmed with stress; worrying that him baby may not be developing well with the lack of prenatal vitamins or about the greasy slop the he has been eating three times a day and he was no expert but he was sure he was greatly underweight for someone five or so months pregnant; he know the diet the prison had him on couldn't be good for his baby but unless he told someone his situation he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

XXXXXXXXX

Three months and things were starting to look up for the White Collar division; they'd just finished a big case and put away some big time jewel smugglers they'd been after for the past three weeks, and even better than that Peter had finally met someone new. Her name was Elizabeth; a woman who worked at one of the jewelry shops that was buying up a large quantity of the pilfered gems and thanks to her statement the bad guys wouldn't see the light of day for a long time. He had a date with her later that day at a nice Italian restaurant a few blocks from his house and knows there could easily be a future for them together. She was honest, kind, bubbly, and even though she worked around priceless stones all day she was not a thief. In fact after a quick check and finding nothing more than a parking ticket from when she was nineteen Elizabeth was record less which only made her more attractive to him.

XXXXXXXXX

Four months and things were only getting worse for Neal. He had managed to snag a bigger shirt from the prison laundry facility to cover up his growing baby bump so it would continue to pass as weight gain from lack of psychical activity. He was now seven to seven and a half months pregnant and the stress of pregnancy was hitting him hard; his body ached constantly, his back sore from the extra weight around his middle, his feet and ankles swollen and sensitive to the point that he could no longer wear the slippers he was given. He could hardly keep any of the food he was served down and could scarcely make it through half a meal before the nausea forced the food and any other nourishment in his body up; soon he had stopped eating all together to spear himself some of the discomfort he was experiencing. However, the worst of it was the dark depression looming over him; he had sent dozens upon dozens of letters to Peter over the months since he had been wrongfully imprisoned but he hadn't gotten a single one from him.

The only letters he got were from Mozzie telling him to hang in there and that he was still working on getting him out; it was encouraging knowing he still had a friend but it was Peter he wanted to hear from the most especially since he had long ago told him in one of his letters about their baby and talked about it in several of his letters after. It broke his heart to think Peter knew about the child growing inside him and that he wanted nothing to do with it. A few days after Neal had stopped eating he woke in the middle of the night with intense pain in his midsection. It was so bad he hadn't realized his screams of agony had brought the guards to his cell till they had him on a stretcher heading for the infirmary. When he woke the next morning Neal found himself in a cell as expected but it was far cozier than the one he had gone to sleep in the night before; he was lying in a proper bed with plush pillows and thick warm quilts, and he could feel warmth on his face from the sun rays coming through the window.

Once he is fully awake Neal takes in his new surroundings carefully. The room is a bit bigger than his last one, the door isn't as intimidating, and there is gray carpeting on the floor so it isn't so cold, and there is a door on the wall opposite of the bed that could be a closet. He has a desk and chair, and even a television above the door. It is the best cell his has ever been confined to but he couldn't remember how he had gotten there, than he remembered the terrible pain he had woken to the night before and immediately put his hands to his belly fearing he had lost his child but sighing in relief when he felt a strong kick. The door of his room is opened by a guard where an older woman with caramel colored skin walks in carrying a breakfast tray and he feels the little one inside him kicking in excitement at the smell of eggs, bacon, and the crispy hash browns. While he eats the woman introduces herself; her name is June and she will be his personal nurse for the remainder of his pregnancy and for his recovery. After an hour of talking Neal is still a bit unhappy about being caught but it isn't so bad when he is looking at the ultrasound picture of his baby boy that June printed up for him.

XXXXXXXXX

Five months without Neal and things had gone back to normal; Neal's desk had been removed and put into storage somewhere as if he had never been there. Elizabeth visited Peter everyday on his lunch break and even though they'd only been in a relationship for three months Peter was sure she had to be the one for him and had considered asking her to move in with him. He had already taken everything that Neal owned and dumped it all off at a thrift shop in little China Town after the trial and anything else that was proof of their relationship found its way into trash bags. Peter wanted Neal erased from his life as efficiently as possible but he always seemed to be missing something.

The first time was the first time Peter brought Elizabeth home for dinner and she had picked up a photo to admire it when he realized it a picture of him and his team from the new year's party last year and when she asked who Neal was he only said he was no one important. The second time it had been one of Neal's hats that he had missed that Elizabeth had found in his closet while helping him pick out a tie to meet her friends, and the third time it was one of Neal's paintings. The painting Neal had done last spring of the empire state building that was hanging on the wall in the living room which one of Elizabeth's friends took an instant liking too. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried he couldn't be rid of him; it was like Neal was still there and refusing to let him let go.

The situation only got harder from there; Peter had come home from a long day at the office rushing to get ready for dinner with Elizabeth which he was already twenty minutes late for. The phone was ringing but he was already on his way out so he decided to let the machine get it; as he was just closing the door the answering machine answered the call and the voice that come through the speaker froze Peter in his place; it was Neal's voice.

**Peter, Peter… are you there? Please I need to talk to you; I only have a little over a month left and I need to know what we are going to do when our so-**

He couldn't listen to it; he thought he was finally over Neal but hearing his voice had destroyed any progress he made. Than something dawned on him; what had Neal meant by only having a little over a month left and how had he made the call in the first place. The facility holding Neal doesn't allow in mates phone calls, so how had Neal managed to call him. He makes a few calls first to make sure Neal hadn't escaped again and after a good two hours on the phone all he was able to find out was that Neal had made the call from the prison infirmary; where he was being kept in intensive care. The reason for Neal's transfer to the infirmary wasn't given to him but was told for Neal's safety his request to send Neal back to lock up would be denied. It's half past eleven when he realizes that he had completely forgotten about his plans with Elizabeth and calls to apologize for missing dinner.

He hasn't told her about Neal yet and never plans to even though she asks about why he is always throwing away his letters, or when she caught him burning Neal's painting, and throwing away his hat. She is curious and Peter knows it is only a matter of time before she finds out about him; the only thing Peter can really hope for is that Neal will finally give up and stop writing to him.

XXXXXXXXX **(Okay the time line gets a little twisted here but just know that everything from here on happens the day Neal does into labor and later gives birth.)**

Neal had now been locked up for six long months, in the prison infirmary for three months, was currently a solid nine months pregnant, and was ready to pop any day now. Peter still hadn't come to see him and with his pregnancy hormones raging constantly he was often miserable and lonely, but he would find comfort in talking to his baby boy while stroking his bump which had rounded out very nicely with proper care and a healthy diet. He also took comfort in talking to June when she came to take care of him, and had found a good friend in her. She had last her husband very early in the year and though he had left her and their family very well off she had decided to return to her old job there at the prison as a way of staying close to him. When he asked why she gave him a mischievous smile and told him that they had meet there in the prison, but he hadn't been a guard, and then winked at him.

XXXXXXXXX

Almost four months and it had been the shortest relationship Peter had ever had in his whole life. Elizabeth had finally worn him down and he told her everything; about him and Neal, about how they met, how they became partners, how they fell in love, and how he had to put him away. She had completely understood and had even said that his relationship with Neal reminded her of a classic crime romance novel. Peter had hoped that they could be together but Elizabeth was definitely smarter than him when it came to matters of the heart, and she could tell that no matter how hard Peter tried to hide it he still had a soft spot buried underneath all the hate he directed at Neal. He knew it was only for the best of both of them that he let her go and she would be stopping by later that night to pick up her things.

XXXXXXXXX

Neal had been sitting at his desk writing yet another letter to Peter when he felt the first contraction. It was a hard sharp pain in the side of his stomach but he had thought it was nothing more than a strong kick from his baby. Half an hour later as Neal was putting his letter into an envelope the sharp stinging pain returned; it felt like he had glass and nails in his stomach and the pain had completely floored him. This was it; his baby boy was coming just in time for Christmas.

XXXXXXXXX

Christmas had always been a favored holiday in the Burke house. Peter use to love how happy Neal would get as the holiday was approaching, and helping Neal decorate the Christmas tree had always been his favorite part of the holiday. For a long time Peter had hoped that one Christmas he and Neal would celebrate the season with a family and help their children decorate the tree, but now there was no chance of that happening. Lord did he need a drink.

XXXXXXXXX

Neal had known that child birth would be a painful experience but damn it to hell he had never thought it would be this bad, and he had only been in labor for a little over two hour. June was caught in traffic and even though you could expect New York traffic to be a pain in the ass on a average day with Christmas being two days away it would probably be another hour or more before she got there. He could feel his little boy inside him twisting, turning, and squirming every which way trying to find a comfortable position while he waited to be pushed into the world and be his daddy's perfect little Christmas present.

XXXXXXXXX

When Elizabeth got there it was a good few hours earlier than Peter had expected her and he was more than just a little drunk. They sat and talked for a while and she brought him some coffee to help him sober up before they went to work boxing up her stuff. There had been more of her things in the house than they had thought she had considering she hadn't moved in and Peter had to go to the store for more boxes at one point. Once she was all packd up they took all the boxes down stairs. There were to meny boxes to fit in her small vw bug, so they decided to call for a cab to take the extra boxes to her apartment, but with Chrismas eve a mear hours away they would be waiting a while as this is the time of year most cabs in New York are looking for business at the air port.

XXXXXXXXX

It wasn't going well; he knew it wasn't. Neal had been in labor for just over three and a half hours and his water had broken fifteen minutes ago without a sign of June anywhere. His baby was coming weather he was ready for him or not and it terrified him. The pain was increadible and the only comfort he was allowed was the hand June's assistant nures Rory was allowing him to hold on to through his contractions; because without June's signiture on a special form Neal wasn't allowed any pain killers. He knew he shouldn't but his body just couldn't take it anymore and he started pushing. Nurse Rory had tried to make him stop but he couldn't; his body was telling him to push and he could already feel his baby squirming his way into the birth cannle.

XXXXXXXXX

After waiting at the door step for half an hour without any sign of the cab they had ordered Peter and Elizabeth decided to wait in the house instead. They got a call a few minutes later from the cab company telling them their cab wouldn't be able to make it for another hour and a half. Checking the clock Peter pondered just driving Elizabeth and her boxes himself but he was still a little tipsy from before she had gotten there, so decided it would be better to wait. So they started chatting and then they had a few drinks, and then a few more to ease the awardness of the situation. By 12:30 am liquid courage had brought them a bit closer and without even noticing the phone was ringing had decided to move things upstairs. While they were together they hadn't really had many chances to be intimint so they thought why not have one last go before saying goodbye. Probably not the best thing to do after breaking up and getting drunk together, but they both promised there would be no hard feelings after.

XXXXXXXXX

When June finally arived Neal had been in labor for almost four hours and the head of his baby was already breaching; there was no going back from this now.

"Rory, he isn't ready yet. I need you to give him a injection to post pone delivery and then hook him up to some morphine." June said as she ran in and started to disinfect her hands for the birthing process.

"It's to late for that; he's already breaching!" Rory yelled as he scrambled to get Neal hooked up to a morphine pump.

June came over to the infirmary bed Neal had been moved to and helped him get his legs into the stirups, and then had a look under the sheet. His baby was in deed breaching, but she could tell by the bleeding he had started pushing before he was fully idelated. This worried her greatly for the safety of both father and child because there was a high risk of massive internal bleeding, and with the baby already breaching there would be no chance at a C section or post poning the delivery.

"June, there's something wrong isn't there?" Neal asked breathlessly as his body suffered another powerful contraction. June looked him in the eye and consitered lying to him but knew she wouldn't get away with it. Neal could always tell when someone was lying to him.

"Neal, I promise you I'll do everything I can to keep you both alive."

"No June, if it comes down to it you let me go and save him." They had only known eachother for three months but in that short time they became very close. Neal had become the son she and her husband never had; so how could she let him go?

"Please promise me that. I can't do this until you promise me."

"Okay Neal, I promise." This was it and there was no choice but to except it. There was no going back from here. Pain exploded inside him and even hooked up to morphine Neal thought he was on fire.

"Okay sweetie, time to start pushing again. On my count I want you to bear down as hard as you can and don't stop." He nods his head.

"Alright than; let's get started."

XXXXXXXXX

Peter wasn't sure why but as he and Elizabeth were having their final go he couldn't help but feel like there was somewhere he should really be at that moment. Whatever it was he just had the feeling it was something very important, something that he appsolutly couldn't miss. Then again he was completly drunk off his ass and had something way better to do than worry about somewhere he wasn't even sure he had to be.

XXXXXXXXX

She knew there would be nothing she could do to save him. Every push Neal made to give his son life also stole life away from him and the blood seemed to have no end. The worse part though was that the blood loss had made Neal delusional and it broke her heart to see him holding out his hand to a man that wasn't even there, and crying out to a man that hadn't even shown up for the birth of his own son. Neal had talked endlessly about Peter; especily in th pass few days as his due date came closer and closer. He had writen to him countless times and even though he had never reseved a responce he had always remained hopeful that Peter would come, and that he would hold his hand, and that they would welcome their child to the world together. Even now as he was dieing he still believed Peter would come.

XXXXXXXXX

Even as he and Elizabeth were setting up for round two Peter could still feel it; like someone somewhere was calling out to him. He tried to push the feeling to the back of his head and focous only on the time he had remaining with Elizabeth, but everytime he thought he had it under control it would return with avangence. However, this time when the feeling return it was accompanied by something else; like now there where two someones' somewhere calling to him. One call was becoming stronger and stronger with every passing second, but the other; the original was quickly becoming a tiny almost non existant whisper. Somehow Peter knew that small voice would soon die out, and it broke his heart.

XXXXXXXXX

Neal had managed to push out the baby's head without any problems, but the sholders were proving to be to much for him in his continuesly weakening state. June knew Neal had nearly reached the end of his rope and that something had to be done soon; other wise serious danger could befall the child she swore Neal she would see through this situation.

"Neal, sweetie I know your tired but your baby boy needs you right now." Neal was completly pale except for his red eyes and puffy, teary cheeks.

"Peter?" He whispered sadly.

"No sweetie, Peter isn't here."

"Peter...Peter!" He cried with a broken heart. She had heard him call out to Peter in his sleep several times in the past months, but she had never heard him like this before.

"Neal, I'm sorry but he 's not coming." He only responded by crying harder.

"Peter, where are you Peter! He should be here; where is he?"

"I don't know sweetie, but right now your baby is more important and he really needs you to keep pushing okay." The way Neal keeps eyeing the door she can tell he is still waiting for Peter to come running through it, but also knows his baby means so much more to him and he starts pushing again.

She has the baby's head in a good position and as she had hoped his sholders are slowly beginning to fallow. Just a bit more and she will be able to help Neal out a bit by gentally pulling the child the rest of the way. Fifteen minute later Neal has pushed him just far enough for June to lend a hand and the room echos with his fussy crys. She takes him to the tub to be cleaned and as she had expected he was a little on the small side do to Neal's poor diet during his earlier months of pregnancy but besided that Neal's little boy was perfectly healthy. Neal on the other hand; he was fadeing fast...and he knew it.

"Can I hold him?" He asked weakly while holding out his arms.

"Of course you can." She lays the newborn snugly in Neal's arms and steps back so he can enjoy what little time he has left with his son.

"God, your so beautiful." He said while brushing a finger over his baby's cheek.

"You look just like your daddy." The birth certificet is filled out and Rory takes it to be filed with a sad smile as he says goodbye to Neal and the baby.

XXXXXXXXX

Elizabeth is in the shower, so Peter goes down stairs to make coffee. He's just pouring himself a cup when he thinks back to only a few minute ago when he felt this intense pull in his chest. At first he'd thought it was only the thrill of being with Elizabeth, but then he realized what he was feeling had nothing to do with her or sex. What he had felt was something more. He leans against the kitchen island and sighs heavily; he trys not to think of Neal but this is one of those times he can't help himself.

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Neal holds his baby boy close. He runs his fingers over his belly, his mouth, his little nose, toes', and memorizes his smell; he wants to know everything about him before he's out of time. He tells him he loves him, tells him he's sorry he can't stick around, tells him to be a good boy, and then tells him he loves him again.

XXXXXXXXX

Something else is going to happen. He doesn't know what, but he knows whatever it is it scares him.

XXXXXXXXX

His vision starts to swim with black patches and he knows his time is up. As Neal leaves the world he does so with his most valuble treasure in his arms, words of love for his son on his lips, and his sad blue eyes on the door.

XXXXXXXXX

Just as Elizabeth's cab is pulling away from the curb that feeling that had been nagging at him all night finally stopped. He goes back inside; it's late and even though it's Christmas eve he still wants to go into work in the morning to finish a case before his team can get drunk at the White Collar Crimes Christmas party. As he was going up the stairs to his room he is halted by a burning in his eyes. He was crying, but he didn't know why.

XXXXXXXXX**(Afternoon at the office.)**

The late night hadn't treated him very well. The prison had called him four times last night; probably more but he unpluged his phone around 4 am. He had of course been a reck when he'd come into work that morning but that was nothing a good chase through the city couldn't cure. He was just heading to his office after bringing in a suspect when Hughes came up to him.

"Peter, I need to talk to you. The prison has been calling for you all morning."

"What did he do now?" Was all Peter asked. His day was going good so far and the last thing he wanted to hear was that Neal had broke out again.

"Peter, I really think you should sit down."

"Damn it; don't tell me he broke out."

"No Peter; look I don't know how to tell you this but..." With that look in his eyes Peter knows something is very wrong.

"He what... broke out, started a riot, killed somebody. What did he do?" Before Hugh's can continue they are interrupted by a brunet, blue eyed young man.

"Excuse me sir, but are you Mr. Hughes; The White Collar Crimes director?"

"Yes...I wasn't expecting you for another hour." He said looking nervously at Peter.

"I know we're early, but June thought it would be best to get th paper work filled out as soon as possible." He said while trying to avoid Peter's gaze.

"And we'll do that, but first I'll need a few minutes to talk to my agent."

"You mean Mr. Burke here?" He said looking at Peter for the first time.

"I don't recall meeting you before. How is it your know my name?" Peter asks while offering his hand to shake.

"We haven't." He says averting his eyes back to the file in his hands and ignoring Peter's out streached hand.

"But I've seen so many pictures of you and heard your name so many times over the last few months that your a hard person to forget."

"Is that so?"

Something wasn't right. Why was this kid acting so indiffenent with him, and why did Hughes look so nervous? The young man doesn't responed. He only holds out the file in his hands to Peter.

"I'll be needing both of your signatures on these release forms before we can turn over his body, and June should be up soon to speak with you Mr. Burke."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I follow. Who are you?" Peter asks.

"My name is Rory, my co worker June and I were Neal's care takers in the prison infirmary up until his death earliy this morning. Something you probably would have known Mr. Burke, had you ever bothered to visit him."

Rory just couldn't understand how the man in front of him could be so casual when the man who had loved him so much was dead. The way Neal would talk about Peter you'd think he was the last good and honest man on the planet, but Rory could never understand why Neal was so faithful in a man that didn't show faith in him.

"What?" Was Peter could say.

"What do you mean Neal's dead? If he was dead someone would have told me." He freezes when he feels Hughes gently grab his sholder.

"Sir?" The man can barely look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry Peter, I was going to break the news to you but..." He see something over Peter's sholder and looks away.

"I'm so sorry Peter."

He turns around just as the glass doors to White Collar Crimes are being opened, and what rolls through the doors stops everyone cold in their tracks. The usually loud and buzzing office quickly goes quiet as everyone present stops and stairs. The only thing heard through the whole space is the squeaking wheels of the gerny; making the long black body bag all the more devistating a sight.

"Have you no respect? His body should be in the city morgue where his family can clam him." Hughes said in a hushed tone.

"Neal has no family, and according to his will and his contract with the FBI should Neal die and there be no family by blood or marriage to clam his body it will than become the soul property and responsibility of the White Collar Crimes division."

The silence after that was numbing. All of them starring at the long form covered by black plastic, and not a single one of them daring to speak and break the silence. After what seemed like an eternity only Diana had the guts to ask the question everyone was thinking.

"How did it happen... how did he die?" All eyes turned to Rory but before he could answer them the voice of a wise old woman answered for him.

"Child birth can often be filled with complications."

She was a petite older woman with gray hair and caramel skin wearing a thick winter coat and accompanied by two state prison guards. In her arms she held a small baby bundled snuggly in a white and blue pen striped blanket to protect him from the cold of the falling snow and a blue beany on his head covering dark sweeps of brunet hair.

"Rory, I take it you've found who we're looking for?"

"Yes they're right here; Director Hughes and Special Agent Burke." The young man said directing her attention too the still shocked men.

"Very good. Now see to it that Neal is delivered to the FBI's morgue and then take these two with you and bring Neal's files up. I'll be having a chat with these two gentlemen here."

XXXXXXXXX

The whole thing still felt so unreal to Peter, yet the proof of it all lay sleeping in his slightly shaking arms. James Peter Burke: his son who Neal had carried inside him and given his life to bring into the world. He was a little small even for a baby but June insured him he was a perfectly healthy baby boy. His eyes were a dark royal blue like Neal's and his lips thick and plump. Peter could stare at the boy forever and find the pieces of his son that had come from him and those that came from Neal.

When he looked at his son Peter felt love, so much love but at the same time he felt shame. How had he not known that this beautiful boy had been growing inside Neal; shame that while Neal had been struggling to give birth to their child he'd been having meaningless sex with a woman he didn't ever love. He'd failed him; he'd failed Neal in the worst possible way but he'd damn himself too hell if he did the same to their son.

"Now Mr. Burke, seeing as you were not Neal's legal domestic partner and he was serving a life sentence these circumstances make James a ward of the state and there for must immediately be introduced into the system. However-"

"You can't do that. He's my son; you can't just take him away from me!" Peter said in a panicked tone while holding James protectively to his chest.

"Of course not Mr. Burke. Neal wanted nothing more than for James to be with his father."

June said hoping to calm the shaken man. Twenty minutes ago he had been a man with no family or partner in a dangerous job and now not only had he just learned that the man he had once loved so dearly was dead, but suddenly he was a father too.

"Now Mr. Burke-"

"Peter, call me Peter." Peter said shifting James in his arms as he started to fuss.

"Peter, in any other situation James would have been put into a home or assigned to a foster family but seeing as you have the resources and ability to provide a stable home for him the law says that you have every right to raise him."

After hearing this Peter begins to relax a bit and sits back in the sofa. Hughes gives his shoulder a rub of encouragement silently telling him he had his support and then leaves to get them coffee. From the corner of his eye he watches him go and he could see the others watching from below. After talking a few minutes more with June and a bit of coffee together when Hughes came back he's ready to start signing the papers to insure no one would be able to take James away from him.

"Rory and I will be coming by some time this week to see how you and James are doing. I hope you don't mind but it's protocol to insure he is safe and isn't being neglected, but I don't think there will be any problems in that area."

"Certainly not; I may not have known he was even alive thirty minutes ago but I just can't imagine my world with out him now."

After the papers are signed and sealed Hughes hands James back to Peter and leaves to give him and June some privacy to talk a little more.

"Well Peter I'm afraid I must be going now; lots of presents to finish wrapping and a kitchen too over see for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I wish both you and James luck."

He shakes her hand and she gives James a kiss on the check and leaves his diaper bag on the desk before going. Peter isn't sure how long he sat there for just starring at the new born in his arms, but it was long enough for Hughes to decide too come check on him.

"How are you doing?" He asked entering Peter's office cautiously.

"As good as can be expected I suppose."

"Listen Peter, I know you were really hoping to get this case wrapped up before quitting time but considering the current circumstances maybe it would be better for you to call it a day and head home. Start the holiday early and take some time to bond with your son." James started to fuss again and looking in his eyes Peter knew he couldn't deny him just like he couldn't deny Neal.

"Sounds like a plan boss."

Peter had just finished strapping James into his car seat when he was interrupted by a knock at his office door. Looking up he saw Rory standing in the door way holding a small file box.

"Can I help you?"

"We just finished bringing up all our records on Neal. This is the last thing on the list before we go." He says as he sets the box on Peter's desk.

"What is it?"

"Just his personal stuff; we were supposed to through it away but I just couldn't do it. I thought you'd like to have something to show James someday when he started asking about Neal." He hadn't thought of that. He had nothing of Neal's to show their son when that time came; he'd thrown it all away.

"And this is for you." He said handing Peter a disc.

"Usually we're not supposed to give these to the families but considering the circumstances the Warden gave us the thumbs up."

"What is it?"

"The birth of your son." He turns to leave but stops at the door when Peter called to him.

"Thanks...thanks for looking out for Neal and taking care of him when I was around."

"Your welcome, and take care of the kid okay." With it all said and done Rory leaves his office and rejoins June and the guards that accompanied them at the elevators.

XXXXXXXXX

It was late in the afternoon and he had just finished putting away the groceries. On his way home Peter had realized that everything June had given him in the diaper bag wouldn't last the day, so he stopped at the super market down the block from his house. First he had gone to the baby formula and dropped a few cans into his cart and a set of four regular sized bottles, then he walked passed the diapers and realized that was something he definitely couldn't go home without and grabbed the biggest pack he could find. Half an hour later his cart was full with everything he thought he would need to take care of James as well as a few books from the new parent section. Now he was sitting in his living room with James nestled in his lap clumsily trying to feed him.

"Well buddy, I guess it's just you and me now."

Outside the sounds of happy families could be heard enjoying their Christmas and in the distance somewhere down the street Silent Night is sung by a choir in a almost ghostly manner, and while people sat in their homes with their loved ones eagerly awaiting tomorrow Peter sat there...alone in the quiet with nothing but the sounds of a sad Christmas Carlo and James suckling on his bottle.

END.

XXXXXXXXX

Well there you go! XD My first White Collar fan fiction, and before anyone asks yes I am already working on a sequel that will put everything right for this little family and will also include the appearance of another White Collar character. Until then I bid you all a fond fair well. *; D


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